Weighting and Watching

A few things have been on my mind lately.  First weight and figure and the pressure to look a certain way.  And second, "What do I do with my day?  Where does it go?  How come I didn't get anything done?!"

First the weight.  Yes I understand that I'm pregnant and you gain weight with that, but it goes beyond that.  My first pregnancy I tried hard not to gain and it drove me nuts watching the scale go up at each prenatal appointment.  This time, I have done my best not to eat too many popsicles.  I just don't buy ice cream for Joel because I end up eating it all.  We eat fairly healthily or at least try our best to, yet my body still swells and gains.  There was an article that I read, I don't remember who wrote it or where it can be found now, but the jist of it was a mom saying she wasn't going to miss out on the events of her kids life-especially summer fun in the pools and beaches, just because she felt insecure about her figure in a swim suit.  

I loved this article, or the moral of it.  I used to constantly wear shorts with my swimsuit.  I always thought I was bigger than I was and considered myself fat.  Looking back on pictures--after high school and some college--boy was a wrong.  My perception was totally off!  So, yes I may be gaining weight now, but I'm sure my perception still it totally skewed.  I know that sizes play mind games with us, but I want to just enjoy being as healthy as I can.  I have great blood pressure.  I have done my best throughout this pregnancy to work out 3-4 times a week with swimming and weights.  I'm doing the best I can and I should be happy about that.  I shouldn't shy away from doing things or even from the camera.  Luckily I'm behind it most of the time.  I shouldn't degrade myself when I do see pictures because this is just a phase of life.  I can get my body back, maybe not my pre-married body because some things have probably changed for good: Chest and hips and maybe my feet... Who knows.  Who cares.  I need to be more accepting of me.  I know Hailey is.

This leads me to my second point.  What do I do with all my time.  Yes sometimes it's wasted on things that don't matter, but lately I've tried to fall away from electronics and pick up books.  Hailey loves books.  I think I read her a book at least 10 times a day.  Yes it is usually the same two or three books.  Currently it's Baby Mickey's Book of Shapes.  Hailey entertains her self fairly well.  She loves the recent costco box that I brought home.  It has a partial opening in the front and she's realized she can climb in and chill out there.  She's been into the cubboards of tupperware.  She plays with a set of blocks and then because I made it a game, she usually has more fun putting all the blocks back into the container.  She loves to play in the pool and holler at people as they pass by, sometimes she just hollers.  She plays in her cubby between the bed and couch and I'm amazed at the things I find hoarded in there.  She loves playing with the gallon milk jugs and shoes!

She loves her bears and her blanket.  She loves our down comforter that is usually on the floor just in case it gets too cold from the AC.  So what do I do with all my time while she's playing.  I just watch.  There are things that the camera can't capture.  There are things that I'm sure I'll forget ever happened but at least I got to see them and maybe one day they'll randomly pop back into my head.  I love to watch her curiosity.  If it beeps or flashes she wants it.  I hope that I can record a small portion of her so that she can look later on and either love it or be embarassed. Either way, it's a memory captured.  So some days it may feel like I've wasted my day.  The floor is a mess, actually most things are a mess.  The dishes aren't organized to be washed.  But I'm okay because even as I sit here and type this she brings her shapes book up to me and then squishes in right next to me.  Thankfully it wasn't right on top of me like usual.  Oh and she's found her belly button...and mine.  No it doesn't stick out.