Reframed to See through the Eyes of a Child

As I look back through my pre-mission, mission, and wedding photos, I wish for the body that I once had.  The funny thing is though, that when I had that body, I still wasn't satisfied.  I thought I was fat or had problem areas.  I took my curves for something bad.  Even though my stomach was mostly flat it wasn't completely flat.  My arms weren't toned enough even though they were strong and I could climb difficult rock climbing routes and do pretty darn good chaturangas (yoga pose).  I had fallen victim to the world's ideas and even if I were a twig, had a flat stomach and chiseled arms, I still wouldn't have been happy.  I know this but I still look in the mirror and grumble.  I tell Joel about it and he says, you just had a baby not to long ago, you look great and I love you and your body just the way you are.  That doesn't make sense to me because the world's image is that men are fickle and shallow and only look at the goods...  Are we noticing a pattern about the world?  It's usually wrong.

So, what sparked this?  I stepped on the scale last night and was upset because I was 2 pounds heavier... GRRRR... I can't really complain though because getting to the gym has been on my mind but never in my feet.  I'm usually up with Joel when his alarm goes off at 4:30.  I may not always get out of bed but I've been woken up none the less.  Then Hailey wakes up, eats and goes back to sleep for another 2 hours... It makes for long early mornings. So if I don't get to the gym I can't be mad at the scale.

Do I always think this rationally?  Nope!  I have a wonderful counselor who has always reinforced the theory of "reframing."  There are two quilts in our living room, each with a border on them.  What would happen if I changed the color or pattern on the border or completely took it off all together?  It would change the whole look of the quilt.  That is reframing.  Take a thought or idea that may have one border, usually a negative one, and replace it with a positive one.

How does it look with no border?

My negative border: the weight on the scale, the size of my hips, the size of my pants, the list could be endless but let's not go there.  With the craziness of Joel's health challenges and Hailey's weight and eating challenges, I've had my hands full.  The dishes don't always get done.  The apartment doesn't get picked up.  There are clothes and random things all throughout the house.  But I have a happy baby and happy husband.

New Border! Reframe that negativity into something positive.  Joel has been trying to tell me this for months but I never believed him.  He says, I love you and your shape just the way you are.  He wouldn't trade me and my current body for my old body and soul.  My body, my hips, my eyes, and my heart have all changed in the past 14 months because of everything that it has gone through.

Ah, much better.

Do you remember the movie Cars 2?  Mater doesn't want to lose his dents because they all mean something to him.  I have bags under my eyes because I make sure my husband has a lunch and plenty of snacks for his workday.  I have baby weight still, but I have a beautiful little girl who loves to smile and if her smiles could melt away imperfections, I'd be perfect.  My hair is rarely done.  There's no makeup.  Most days I forget to even put on deodorant... These are all physical features that the world cares about, but Hailey doesn't.  Why is that?  Because she knows what is important.  I have said multiple times that I learn so much from her.  Now, does this mean fast food and junk food are up for grabs?  No, because she still needs a healthy momma.  I wish I could see the world through her eyes more often.  I am learning.  I have a great teacher.  Thank you Hailey.  We love you and are grateful for all you teach us and share with us.