Joel's Results are In. Time for a time out.

As I was standing in line today to exchange something, an older gentleman looked at Hailey and she smiled at him.  She's a happy girl like that.  His response to her smile was, "Is this her first Christmas?"  I said, "Yep, and she's going to have a blast playing in the wrapping paper."  Deeper into that statement was... it's tight this year and there won't be many gifts under the Christmas tree... It's a small, 3 foot Fir tree, but it's real and it made Joel's holiday.  It has been 15 years since he's had a real tree.  It was a tradition with his dad and family to go cut down a tree each year.  When his dad passed, that tradition stopped.  This will be my second tree.  We decided though that even with the limits on budget the Tree will remain year after year.

We'll finish the lights and balls.  Then we plan to hang pictures from the year to fill in the gaps.

What brought that thought on?  Well, the results of Joel's medical questions are finally in.  The MRI was clean.  The CT scan was clean.  The Physical Therapist did what she could but the dizziness and other symptoms were still there; some were getting worse and new symptoms were appearing.  It got to the point that Joel called the work hotline and talked to a clinician.  The signs, symptoms and behaviors clearly pointed towards a diagnosis.  PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder.  It's not a permanent thing if treated, I've made it through a bought of it after my mission, but it is quite debilitating while you're in it.  So what do we do?  It has been recommended that Joel take a temporary medical leave from his current position as a corrections officer.  He needs to spend some time taking care of himself or else there won't be much of him left to really care for.

So starting Monday, December 16th, Joel will be on medical leave.  How long?  We're not sure.  What does that mean for income and survival?  His work will pay him 60% of his wages.  But where does the rest come from?  Remember all those lessons you've heard about food storage and having a back up emergency fund?  I know I haven't been the best with stocking the cupboards but we have some.  Lots of peanut butter, tuna, flour, yeast, the staples, etc.  Since Joel and I have been married I've learned how to make a lot of things from scratch.  Bread, laundry detergent, stir fry sauce, cream of mushroom/chicken/etc, cloth diaper wipes and solution to go with the cloth diapers.  This next little while will put my efforts to the test and bless us at the same time for the way we live already.

How long will he be out?  At least a month or two.  What is he going to do with his time?  It will be mixed with medical appointments, and counseling appointments for both of us so we can learn together how to manage and cope with stress and trauma.  He needs to keep life structured though so in addition to medical, stressful, taxing stuff, he is going to take advantage of his season ski pass.  For some refuge is found in a temple or sanctuary.  For Joel his sanctuary is the mountains, especially those covered in snow.  This time off will also give him time to get to know his daughter better.  It will also give us the chance to learn more about each other in the best and the worse of times.

Is it scary?  Yes.  But for some reason there is the lingering feeling that things will work out.  We hope that during this season where the stores are crowded with people purchasing and consuming that we can stop and be thankful for the small things, like our 3 foot tree with only half the lights on it.  We have a happy little girl.  She doesn't know the difference between rich and poor, she only knows happy and sad through emotion and expression.  Let us keep the smiles and gratitude plentiful.