Paradigm shift. Cleaning.

For the past 6-8 weeks we have been cleaning, packing and organizing my parents house.

Being raised in an LDS family there are things that have been taught or engrained by the culture that I'm starting to break away from.  No worries, nothing major, it's the aspect of cleaning and asking for help.

It's always been said that LDS people are great at giving but hard to accept help.  Joel has been working recently, I have been working, and the extra time I've had I've spent at my parents house helping there.  This has meant that sometimes I don't get the usual choirs done on the same schedule. I still get laundry washed, but folding it is another thing! I usually get the dishes done, enough to make dinner for the day and then rewash again when I need more for the next meal.  Needless to say, I hate doing dishes and folding laundry.  Most of the other things I manage just fine.  I enjoy vacuuming.  I love seeing clean floors.  It's amazing how much gets sucked up in our bagless vacuum.

So where did the paradigm shift happen.  I had a month of laundry piling up on the spare room bed.  Everything was clean but we'd dig through till we found what we needed.  Once Joel started working we had to go back to Emi and Hailey in kid care or being watched.  I found a recently returned missionary in the ward and asked if she wanted to earn some extra cash.  She accepted.  She watched the girls at the house on Thursdays and other days as needed.

The first day she came I told her it was optional but there was a mountain of laundry that I have never been able to get the energy to sort, fold and put away.  I told her I'd pay her X number of dollars if she chose to tackle that choir.

That night I came home tired but very grateful because she had been wonderful with the girls, picked up the house, wiped down the kitchen, folded and put away all the laundry.  That night, I had one less thing to worry about.  I was ecstatic that she had gone above what I had expected, which was just to fold the laundry.

Joel had talked with a co-worker that said he also paid for a maid.  At first Joel was shocked.  This was an LDS man, why couldn't the wife take care of the kids and the house.  Why did they need a maid?  After Joel saw the relief and mood of his wife after she had help with the housework he understood.  He had another conversation with the same coworker later and said he understood now.  His coworker laughed and said, I make enough and my wife has enough to do that a little help with housework eases her burdens and allows her to focus energy elsewhere.

I have been raised to be independent and Yes, I can manage everything myself.  But sometimes that comes at a cost to myself and others.  The world works together in this case.   I may pay someone for help cleaning my house, but that pay helps another person pay their bills.  It's a positive circle of events whereas there are so many negative cycles people get stuck in.

If I'm in a situation where I can afford help, sometimes it's worth it  My house is cleaned up easier and I can spend the time playing with the girls or just sitting and talking with Joel.

I've had this thought with my parents  Currently my Mom just had foot surgery and has pins in her toes and it's hard to clean certain things.  Previous to her surgery it was hard to walk.  Why have we as people applied Shame to asking for help?  A lot of things have changed in how we view the world and respond to it.  As I'm growing in life and family, I find many paradigms shifting.  What things have you done differently as you've grown up?